Friday, January 23, 2009

Brevity is the soul of wit... or is it just farts?

Once upon a time this blog used to be funny however I've noticed a tendency since the spud has hit toddlerhood, perhaps brought on by stress and lack of sleep, for my posts to become rather long and turgid... please god give me the strength to avoid a poo joke here... errrrgh... hmmmfdh... hrrrgh... FAIL!

Anyway so I'm going to try to make this blog more regular and less effort... a sort of DulcoEase™ blog which will hopefully be, if not, funnier at least shorter and possibly less concerned with poo.

Cue long silence.

The problem is that back when the spud was a sweet ickle baby there tended to be a lot of references to poo in here... then we got blasé about it and it stopped making an appearance. Here, anyway. Now, with potty training, bottom brownies have once again taken the floor and it is therefore going to be difficult to give you a daily digest without any poop in it. Crap, that came out wrong. In fact I seem to be incapable of writing any sentence that doesn't whiff slightly of someone else's colon at the moment; or semi-colon. Boom boom.

Anyway, the spud has long been obsessed with farts as this footage of him at 5 months shows and I have been trying in vain to teach him that farts are not funny and that when he lets one rip he has to say 'excuse me'. The trouble is of course that farts ARE funny and that the sight of a two-year-old cracking up because he's let out a barn owl is even funnier. The upshot is that now when he cracks one out, he freezes, looks at me with his cheeks sucked in and his eyebrows raised until I say 'and WHAT do you say?' at which point he screams 'scuze me FART!' at the top of his lungs, pisses himself laughing (not, thankfully, literally, as yet) and then gets on with trying to crank out another one.

Today he managed four in a row to the vast amusement of us both; unfortunately the fifth had a little tail on it and so my friends I am afraid I must swiftly draw a veil over the rest of the proceedings.

Anon.

11 comments:

Rose said...

Oh, I'm dying.

Thank you Sparx, I needed that.

Michelle said...

Very, very funny, as usual!

Jennie said...

You'll never get any flack from me on the poo front. I've eventually adopted my husband's stance on the subject, which is that it makes a great conversation piece, because indeed, without exception, everyone has a relationship with poo.

Dare I say where I'm sitting now? Let's just say this laptop comes in handy...not in the least for escaping children behind the only lockable door in the house...

DJ Kirkby said...

OMG you are so funny and Spudders is growing up to be just like you though with a boy accent on it....

Jonny's Mommy said...

I am laughing so hard! My husband was looking over my shoulder and says "And you yell at me for what I put on my blog."

Haaaa! Seriously, you are so funny!

And your kid is too! :-)

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

If you think he thinks farts are funny now just wait until he's 10. At 10 little boys no longer need to fart to get the joke.... one only has to say the word. Fart or underwear and god help us penis are words which when spoken by yer mother are the funniest utterances known to man... er .... boy. I spent much time reducing The Hairs to writhing gigglers on the floor back then. Which is worked on TEENS!

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

"which is worked on TEENS"??????????

no that's

Wish it worked on Teens!

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

At least he has a sense of humor! Cooper says "Scuz me toot", which I suspect will be replaced with fart shortly, as the boys in preschool have already taught him how to belch on purpose . . . the dangers of public education!

Sparx said...

Rose - you're welcome!

Michelle - thanks hon!

Jennie... now THAT's an image of you I will, er... treasure??!!!

DJ - OMG, the poor little tot...

JM - right, I'm off to your hubby's blog to see what you're on about...

Helen - I'm looking forward to the 10 year old part. But not to the teenager part!

Fishsticks - I'm afraid my son is going to be the one teaching them all to say 'fart'... bad me! I just figured he's learn it soon enough.

Rob Clack said...

And farts are funny, especially your own, but why are they funny?

Sparx said...

I don't know!!! I've been trying to work it out. Because they are embarrassing, I suppose...