Thursday, April 09, 2009

klepto-wet look.

I have a new thing that I do with the spud. When he's not listening to me, which is most of the time in which I am talking to him, I tell him to look at me. If he continues to ignore me, I cup his face gently in my hands and force him to look at me. If he rolls his eyes away from mine I cup my hands until he is forced to look down a little tunnel into my eyes.

You think I'm making this up, don't you?

Anyway, so, mostly this works and he pays a little bit of attention and I am, on balance, more likely to get what I want. Yesterday this meant getting him to stay close to me in the supermarket when he insisted on getting down, a process which begins with him asking nicely and swiftly escalates to him trying to climb out of a moving supermarket trolley while appalled pensioners look on.

What it didn't do however was stop him from picking up everything that caught his fancy and lobbing it into the trolley. He was seen taking back jam, pickles, a bag of pasta, some pens and balancing them precariously but reasonably accurately on their original shelves. Lastly, he chose a bottle of baby oil. By this time I was pretty much done with the idea of him roaming freely around but since he was being sweet and obediant and generally staying close I felt obligated to stick to my side of the agreement. As he walked back to the shelf to re-deposit the baby oil however, I noticed him fiddling with the lid. "Don't open that" I asked him but as most things these days are sealed with about 100 layers of plastic I figured he wouldn't be able to get into it.

Wouldn't he heck.

Just as he was reaching the shelf he popped open the lid and squeezed the bottle in one smooth motion, fountaining baby oil into his hair, his eyes, his face, mouth, hands, coat... the lot. He then deposited it back on the shelf and stood there in shock. I feel badly about the fact that it wasn't until the next day that it occurred to me that I should have purchased the bottle; at the time I was just motivated by worry and the need to stop myself from laughing as I ran over and picked him up and deposited him, unprotesting, back in the trolley. I wiped his face and asked if he was ok and, in fact, he was fine - just really, really oily; and really, really quiet. He walked around the entirety of the day sporting the 'wet look' while I spent it explaining what happened over and over again and cupping my friends' faces in my hands while they rolled their eyes.

Next time I'm shopping online.

11 comments:

Michelle said...

Sparx, I can't stop laughing! Thanks for another hilarious, relatable tale of your Spud in action!

DJ Kirkby said...

Brilliant! Quiet through shock he may have been but want to bet he makes a beeline for the baby oil next time though?

Jen said...

Oh man, that is too funny! I bet a whole book could be written by mommy bloggers about shopping with toddlers!

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

I suspect that if he hasn't at least learned his lesson, you will not have to worry about baby oil being added to the cart any time soon!

Jonny's Mommy said...

I shall be warned. If you have read some of my recent posts lately then you know that I recently had this issue with Jonathan wanting to get out of the cart, getting out and then me losing him. Now I will really be on the watch as he also likes to take random items off the shelf and place them in the cart. This could easily happen to him next!

lady macleod said...

I thought you should know that I just spoke to Q who informs me that whenever she feels the maternal spark these days, she comes from my blog to yours - and out it goes! Keep up the good work, that child is working on her doctorate. just one Mom to another! For me it makes me sigh and go "aw".

cactus petunia said...

I love that he put it back on the shelf and stood there in shock...you couldn't have engineered a better lesson than that in a million years! And the fact that he was fine, just really really oily and quiet? Priceless!

jaguarish said...

Can we see the photo?

More than Just a Mother said...

Oh, he must have been so shocked! I wish I had been there. I do the face-cupping thing too - I think it's vital to force eye contact when there's an important message to get across.

Sparx said...

Michelle - I sense you've been there!

DJ... oh lord, do you think so??

Jen - that's not a bad idea... forget 'shopping and f*cking'; it's all about 'shopping and ducking'!

Fishsticks - I love how DJ thinks he'll go right for it next time and you think he'll avoid it... I'm counting on you being right...

Jonny's Mommy - yes I read that one; could easily be me next - and you on this one! They're all the same I suspect.

Lady M - you mean stories like this don't inspire women to have children? Really? !!! OK, I'll keep them up for the duration of her doctorate. And beyond, I suspect.

Cactus - yes, I wish he'd learn more lessons like that - by himself, no harm done, quiet and thoughtful afterwards...

Jaguarish... you know, I was going to take one and I just forgot...

More Than Just a Mother - It's a good trick hey? Can't beat eye contact.

Kat said...

You made me snort.