Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pole position...

My son is officially a show off. We had some friends and their son around today for the first F1 race of the season. Yes, I know it’s a waste of pretty much anything one can think of but, you see, I married into it. I have always rather despised F1 as being a boring, repetitive, polluting waste of money and fossil fuels. I don’t know, maybe I’m losing my edge but these days I appear to have swallowed my gall and have actually looked forward to the start of the season. I even found myself actively wishing sneaky little Alonso into the rails and out of the race, almost as if I actually cared.

Anyway, so there were two small boys tottering around the apartment while four adults tried to prevent them from throwing carrot sticks and grabbing handfuls of hommous then complaining about how their fingers were all mucky. One little boy was my spud, the other a well-behaved child 3 weeks younger (and, incidentally, 10 pounds lighter…). I can reveal exclusively that two small boys get very bored when faced with 2 hours of what is practically the same view on TV while four grownups sit in a row trying to ignore them. Further, two small boys, once prevented from eating all the soft bits out of the bread will start looking for other things to do. One trundled into the nursery and started playing happily with a toy. The other barged past him, grabbed a toy, barged back into the living-room, swept the food aside, stood between the parents and the TV and started loudly and proudly demonstrating his toy on the coffee table. This involved pointing and shouting and grinning and much stabbing at buttons while everyone tried to look interested.

You can guess which was our child.

He also, once gently dissuaded from displaying any more of his toys, followed his friend around trying to take anything the other boy wanted to play with. They then battled for position as first to ride his tricycle... and by 'ride', I mean 'sit on and rock back and forth very quickly' and when they were done with that, he led his mate around the place getting him into trouble – ‘here’ he would shriek ‘press this button, it makes the radio come on really loudly’. He'd then sit back and look amazed as his pal created havoc. ‘Here’ he’d gabble ‘this makes a really good bang if you slam it loud enough’ and 'look what happens if you pull this' ‘oh, and look, this is where Mummy and Daddy keep the CONDOMS!!’.

I think Hamilton might have won this race. I’m pretty sure. Can’t tell you who came second or third though, I was too busy being mortified.


Jen said...

Oh my gosh! Hopefully they were old friends, not brand new, we are still trying to impress you, friends! You need an unaccessible sex drawer - who knows what he will pull out next time, (since you are wild and crazy afterall).

ilana (Helen) Pengelly said...

At least it was only condoms! When your child enters a Waldorf school the Kindergarten teacher makes a home visit. My friend's little boy came running into the room in which she was offering said teacher a cup of tea ....................brandishing her vibrator!!

DJ Kirkby said...

You were mortified 'cos your friends know you use contraception?! Now look girlie...if Spuds had started brandishing a 10 inch long battery operated schlong, then you could have justifyably been mortified but condoms? Silly girl.. oh and just in case your readers are now wondering, I wasn't actually insinuating that you do have any adult battery operated toys...just trying to give an example of what woudl be a really moritfying situation!

Jonny's Mommy said...

Glad to see one of my favorite bloggers back!

Love the imagery of your son trying to get attention. Little boys..aren't they great?!

While you were watching F1, I was watching the American version (a.k.a. the wimp version) NASCAR, which is a weekly tradition for our family. I know, I'm boring, but there is something about cars going in circles that is just interesting to me. :)

Raz said...

When I was at primary school, the only person I knew who liked F1 was my friend's dad. I understand it, but I just can't bring myself to like it now.

Shannon said...

So glad to see you! I went away for a few days and got to read all three posts when I got back.

I burst out laughing at the thought of your dear sweet boy showing off condoms to your friends! Now that makes a party more interesting. I agree with the others though, it could have been so much worse!

Ryan & Michelle said...

Our children can place us in so many unplanned, awkward situations. If I'd been there, I'd have laughed at the Spud's antics!

Mom de Plume said...

Ha ha I have been through exactly the same experience - though trying to watch rugby - with my now 3 year old. In fact I gave up for about a year! She's no problem now but I have number two gearing up for the same adventures! I empathise wholeheartedly and can only say top up your glass and pretend you don't notice!

Sue said...

Hah! Our Bhablet did that MONTHS ago. Pull out the condoms in front of an embarassed visitor, I mean.

You know Sparx, I'm about ready to move on to grandchildren now. I've had it with mothering.

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