My son is officially a show off. We had some friends and their son around today for the first F1 race of the season. Yes, I know it’s a waste of pretty much anything one can think of but, you see, I married into it. I have always rather despised F1 as being a boring, repetitive, polluting waste of money and fossil fuels. I don’t know, maybe I’m losing my edge but these days I appear to have swallowed my gall and have actually looked forward to the start of the season. I even found myself actively wishing sneaky little Alonso into the rails and out of the race, almost as if I actually cared.
Anyway, so there were two small boys tottering around the apartment while four adults tried to prevent them from throwing carrot sticks and grabbing handfuls of hommous then complaining about how their fingers were all mucky. One little boy was my spud, the other a well-behaved child 3 weeks younger (and, incidentally, 10 pounds lighter…). I can reveal exclusively that two small boys get very bored when faced with 2 hours of what is practically the same view on TV while four grownups sit in a row trying to ignore them. Further, two small boys, once prevented from eating all the soft bits out of the bread will start looking for other things to do. One trundled into the nursery and started playing happily with a toy. The other barged past him, grabbed a toy, barged back into the living-room, swept the food aside, stood between the parents and the TV and started loudly and proudly demonstrating his toy on the coffee table. This involved pointing and shouting and grinning and much stabbing at buttons while everyone tried to look interested.
You can guess which was our child.
He also, once gently dissuaded from displaying any more of his toys, followed his friend around trying to take anything the other boy wanted to play with. They then battled for position as first to ride his tricycle... and by 'ride', I mean 'sit on and rock back and forth very quickly' and when they were done with that, he led his mate around the place getting him into trouble – ‘here’ he would shriek ‘press this button, it makes the radio come on really loudly’. He'd then sit back and look amazed as his pal created havoc. ‘Here’ he’d gabble ‘this makes a really good bang if you slam it loud enough’ and 'look what happens if you pull this' ‘oh, and look, this is where Mummy and Daddy keep the CONDOMS!!’.
I think Hamilton might have won this race. I’m pretty sure. Can’t tell you who came second or third though, I was too busy being mortified.