Thursday, January 17, 2008

something for the weekend...

I know it’s much too early to be wondering about trivia such as what my darling baby boy is going to be when he grows up but I just can’t trust my Motherhood brain to keep its nose out of anything these days. I found myself on the back of my motorbike today (well, I didn’t just find myself there, I did actually put myself there but you know, some lights are long enough to forget oneself at for a moment…) wondering what sort of brain my little spudlet is going to have , whether or not he’s going to be good at math or… well actually I was indulging in a fantasy where-by he begs us for some money so that he can start trading in stocks on the net and by the time he’s 14 he’s made his first ten million and our stake is worth enough to retire on... anyway, so there I was, mid-fantasy when something he did the other night crept in and my fantasy switched tracks very suddenly to one in which he is Hairdresser to the Stars. Well, you know.

He was in his bath, the bath which is supposed to calm him down and warm him up and leave him all nice and snugly for the Three Bs (Bottle Book and Bed) but which is proving to be a rather more energetic affair involving the throwing of objects full of water and much excitable screaming. He was in his bath and I was kneeling beside it while he tried to feed me various bath-toys when he stopped what he was doing, stood up (forcing me to circle my hands around him to stop him falling and leaving me totally defenceless) and started playing with my hair. First he fluffed up my fringe and posed it one way and then another, just like a hairdresser who has just cut it too short, then he put both hands into my hair and rubbed them up and down vigorously. Finally, he leaned in, one hand on either side of my head and kissed me on the forehead before sitting down.

After I stopped laughing I thought that perhaps this is another form of Daddy-worship, as the frog has such unruly hair that he has to tame it into submission with mousse every morning, no doubt fluffing up his fringe and rubbing his hair vigorously, watched by his adoring offspring who might even get a kiss on his forehead out of it. Then, I thought perhaps that it is a sign that my hair is in such terrible shape that my 1 year old son has decided to take a hand in my coiffure… Just so long as there's no cat sick in it.

I realise that any sort of speculation about the future actions of a child as young as mine is completely futile, however it is pernicious. I've previously imagined him as a young singer-songwriter climbing up the charts; as a young athlete on his way to a gold medal; as a hero of the motorcycle race track and, my favourite, as a lovely middle aged man who comes round to spend weekends with his old Mum just because he misses her sometimes. Yes yes yes, I know, pathetic isn't it? I mean, he can't even talk yet (although he did swoop into the kitchen, grasp me by the knees and plead for 'Bia, bia bia biabiabia bia bia BIA!!! BIA!!!'. I tried him with a tin of Special Brew but apparently that's not what he wanted.)

It's not that I want to be some sort of puppet-master, pulling strings for the spud to mould him into whatever vision I have of him, it's just that I would hate to miss something, to not notice some skill which one day he'll look back on and say 'if only I'd taken dance lessons/extra physics/gardening when I was younger I could have lived my dream.'

So, I'll keep dreaming at red lights and maybe one day he'll let me know what he wants. Until then however he can be whatever I want. Stock tips, anyone?


Jen said...

This really made me laugh, because I do the same thing (daydreaming about what Dylan will be when he's older - not hairdressing). Mainly, though, I just hope he will visit me when I'm old!

Anonymous said...

My aunt is convinced her little one (nearly one) is going to be a world-class ballet dancer.

I think your fantasies are far more realistic!

She's like the wind said...

You are hilarious, you crack me up everytime, you have thoughts like everyone else but you just express them in a hilarious manner. He'll probably do something you never imagined. x

Jonny's Mommy said...

I'm just imaging mine at 2 and worrying about that. Gosh, I hadn't thought to imagine all the way to adulthood! Dear God.....Sorry blacked out for a moment. Anyhooo...the bath part made me laugh because it also wounds my kid up instead of calming him down some nights. Other nights, when he stares for long, unending moments at the running water, I know it's done its trick and he's about to drift off to dreamland.
Thanks for the laughs again and for the tenderness as well.

Hoto said...

There's no reason why he can't be a hairdresser and a musician and a motorcycle racer. When not busy with the music career, or on hiatus, he can find work anywhere in the world as the former. Motorcycle racing is always conducted on the weekend and therefore provided he has a vigorous metabolism, can get up on Sunday after the gig and trailer his superbike to the track. Furthermore, if he's gigging at night, or works the late shift in the salon, he can get very inexpensive track time on weekday mornings anywhere in England. And since you could start him in motocross or dirttrack at a young age (best roadracers were trackers) his peers would look up to him and he could avoid the middle-school beatings associated with a fascination with coiffure. I would suggest a post school regimen

Mon: Sleep in AM. Afternoon at the salon. Rehearsal at night.

Tues: Rehearsal AM. Afternoon at the salon. Rest at Night.

Wed: Track or bike repair/maintenance in the AM. Afternoon at the salon. Rest at Night.

Thurs: Rehearsal AM. Afternoon at the salon. Rest at Night.

Fri: Track time AM. Afternoon at the salon. Gig at night

Sat: Rehearsal AM. Afternoon with friends. Gig at night

Sun: Raceday

Hoto said...

Oh, and: MCO, NFLX and NTG are good buys right now.

Hoto said...

...but I'd wait for the market to bottom out in the next couple of weeks.

Frog in the Field said...

The best tip one can ever know is to always heat the pot before pouring the boiling water in.
That and a nice smile!
My niece wants to run Brazil, my eldest wanted to be a pet for a long time, now she's learnt to spell she's going to be a Vet (her words not mine).

Sue said...

If he's passing tips on, I don't mind.

I do the same thing, Sparx! Aren't we mums silly? I hated having my parents wonder what I would grow up to be. :)

I dream that The Bhablet retains his looks. His father and uncle (my brother) didn't, so it's unlikely, but...

N said...

I'm a regular reader of your blog via Google Reader, ever since it was included in 'Blogs of Note'.
Some day, Sparx, the spud'll grow up and read your blog. You had better have some answers ready.

DJ Kirkby said...

That hair dressing bit in the bath made my heart go all sweet? Loved the closing about how he can be whatever you want for the moment, too true. I am having aparty over at mine tomorrow to celebrate the outcome of my autism assesment so please come and join me!

Sparx said...

Jen - it's awful isn't it - I guess we just can't help ourselves! Great to see you!

Raz - Hm... not sure I'm being realistic at all in fact but never mind. Great to see you!

She's like the wind - Thanks for that! I'm sure he'll do a hundred things we don't expect... probably in the next week... great to see you!

Jonny's Mommy - What is it about bath-time? Sometimes it's just the cue to have a massive splash-fest and others to have a bit of a play and rub his eyes. Great to see you!

Hoto - er, thanks, I think! I love the agenda. I just realised that with the exception of the hairdressing part I was describing my motorcycle-riding jazz musician brother there for a while... have a great holiday, gonna miss you x

Frog - I've just snorted tea out of my nose! Pet / Vet, very funny! I love that your neice wants to run Brazil... heck of an ambition. Great to see you!

Sue - I didn't mind my parents wondering what I was going to be, I just immediately decided I'd never be any of those things - so perhaps I should recommend that the spud does awful things just to stop him! I'm sure the bhablet will keep his looks - he is himself after all. Great to see you!

N - oh, thanks for letting me know! Yes, I am aware that one day he may read all of this... I'm hoping that he's not going to hate me for it! Great to see you as well, will pop by your blog and check it out in a bit.

Hi DJ - ooh goody, will pop by! Yes, it was a bit sweet I have to say... but he seemed to know what he was doing which was both odd and funny at the same time! Greatto see you as always!

Frog in the Field said...


Anonymous said...

Actually this is Anon.2. All the way through childhood I had you pegged as an author Governor General's Award, Booker etc. Then in school you were so brilliant at math and science that you were going to be an engineer, a physicist fascinating everyone with your incredible beauty and brilliance. Hoto was so introspective that it was difficult I saw him as an artist but not ever as a drummer!It really doesn't matteryou're still mine and quite perfect.

Sparx said...

Hi Frog - er... always trying to be nice here...! Thanks for coming by!

Hey there parental unit - good to know you had such high hopes... guess now it's time to apologise for not getting there for ya!

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