OK ladies, time to shift some of that winter flab.
Take your child under the arms in both hands and let’s begin. Hold in your tummy aaand, lift – and rest. Lift – and rest. Lift – tickle tickle tickle! – and rest. Now, put your child down. Crouch – and stand. He’s complaining! So, crouch – and stand. Crouch – and stand. Crouch, aaaaand rest. Good... Now your child is probably clutching at your knees and begging for more so let’s repeat that A HUNDRED TIMES!!!!
OK, bingo wings! Lie down with your child on your chest, hold him and lift! Now bring him back down and plant a smacker on his forehead. Up and down, up and down... Eight more… seven… six… good enough.
Stay where you are I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO WEE, pull your knees up to your chest and rest him on your shins. Hold his hands out like aeroplane wings, straighten your legs as far as you can and make aeroplane noises… Pull your knees back up to your chest! Again! Pause! Again! Pause! Again! OK, ten more… nine… eight… bugger it.
Now, stand up and try to sing a nursery rhyme while waltzing around the livingroom with him on your hip – How about '100 bottles of gin on the wall'? No, you can't stop because he has his fingers up your nose!
Aaaaand, relax. Put him down and let him attach himself to your leg. Walk slowly around your house picking up toys, take them to the toy-box and put them away. A great workout for those abs – and for your temper too!
Now, pry him off your leg and pour yourself that drink. Give him a whole packet of baby carrot wotsits and attach him to the sofa by his reins.
Try to wake up before your other half comes home.