Sunday, December 16, 2007

that's my excuse...

DJ has given me a blogging buddy award with kittens on it no less... I will post it up and pass it on once I feel well enough to think straight. Kittens and all!

Unbelievably we are sick yet again – and by ‘we’, this time I do mean all of us. Honestly, if I’d known it was going to be this bad I’d never have stopped breast-feeding the spud as for the first year of his life he was sick only rarely. Since we stopped however it’s just been one thing after another. This week it’s a chest infection and after five days of listening to him steadily trying to dislodge his lungs we’ve finally caved in and let the doc put him on an antibiotic. This is both banana flavoured and unsweetened and given that it is penicillin-based you can imagine how foul it is. Very foul. Very, very foul. I know this because being violently allergic to penicillin I naturally had a taste. Once I remembered I was allergic, I gargled with vodka in the hope that vodka out-ranks penicillin in the rock-paper-scissors game of microscopic death-dealing. Since I have yet to swell up or break out in hives I think it’s safe to assume that vodka kills penicillin. In case that’s something you ever needed to know.

Given that we are trying to feed him liquid mould enhanced by benzene rings (and dyed a fetching shade of neon yellow) I’m sure it’s not difficult to imagine the reaction we have gotten from the spud while trying to get his medicine into him. Suffice it to say that we have been fairly comprehensively spackled in the stuff and the microbes in his lungs have been breaking out the champers at a lucky escape three times a day. It takes two of us holding him down to get anything into him and whoever is wielding the spoon has to hold down his tongue to get him to swallow. It’s probably no coincidence that he’s not eating anything else we offer him at the moment either – I mean, would you trust me after I’d put you in a headlock and fed you poison while pressing down your tongue?

We’ve tried hiding it in porridge, milk, sticking it in a syringe and squirting it down the back of his throat to avoid his taste-buds… we’ve tried feeding him yummy yoghurt and then tricking him with a spoonful… it’s worse than trying to get a pill into a cat. I tricked him into swallowing half a spoon in the bath this evening and he was so horrified that he plopped himself face-first into the bathwater in protest and came up crying and looking at me like I had just skinned a puppy in front of him and then pushed him under the water myself.

Anyway, so that’s my excuse for being tardy about posting. It’s a rubbish excuse but we’re all coughing up lungs at the moment and it’s hard to get to the computer amidst all the clouds of flying tissue.

20 comments:

Jennie said...

Oh poor you! I'm sure if you let him suckle for a week or so your breasts will be overflowing with antibodies for spuddy.

I really feel for you. I've had a sore throat for two solid weeks, and just as I thought it couldn't be any worse or better, I had a very stiff drink (or three) and a pack of smokes. I
don't know if I smoked out or drowned the bacteria, but I'm feeling swelly.

I also swear to UrtePensil, which is an herbal miracle worker for many ailments.

Hope you'll be on top soon!

Sparx said...

Hi hon - boy, that was quick! UrtePensil... don't think I'ven seen that one over here...

I have thought about whether or not I could Bring Back the Boobs but I reckon it would be a long, difficult if not impossible haul back to full production and I'm just training him out of putting his hand down my front whenever he feels like it!!

Driving With the Brakes On said...

The visuals produced by that post are priceless! How is it that modern medicine can genetically engineer a glow-in-the-dark cat, but they can't make children's medication taste like . . . well, anything that they would willingly swallow?! I hope you all are feeling better soon!

Jen said...

The fact that you are able to find the humor, even while coughing up a lung, and watching your whole family do so, is why I like you. I hope you are all feeling 100% again really soon.

Elsie Button said...

oh god, i feel for you. i've been there, where you have to try EVERY trick to get medicine into them - you've tried everything i was going to suggest. Why oh why do they make some drugs taste so blimin awful? Poor you guys - all of you - feel better soon - in time for Christmas.

Sparx said...

hi Driving! I thought you were going to say 'genetically engineer glow in the dark penicillin' then, because that's what it looks like! Thanks for the good wishes and thanks for coming by!

Jonny's Mommy said...

Sparx, your excuse was not "rubbish" at all. Having a sick hubby can be hard enough, as they are like children, but having an actual child sick can be unbearable! And I know...I've gone through so many ways of dumping drugs down my kid it isn't even funny. I swear he's been on so many different things he just takes the syringe and gives it to himself now. Umm...not really. Please don't call the authorities!

Sparx said...

Jen - thanks for that, appreciate the good thoughts! One has to laugh though hey? It's the only response really. Thanks for coming by!

Sparx said...

Hi Elsie! Sadly I suspect that this is the best that they can do given the awful taste they start off with... such a drag. Hope you're all well for Christmas too, great to see you!

Sparx said...

Jonny's Mummy - that made me laugh! Wish the spud would dose himself, it would make things a lot easier! Great to see you!

ilana (Helen) Pengelly said...

How did I miss the weaning posts?!? They must have been funny. Sorry you are all so ill. The only approach I don't see already listed as tried is out and out bribery. You know .... if you swallow this nasty thing you can have the whatever it is that Mommy usually says a firm no to -- cola? sweets? spoonfuls of sugar? Oh wait didn't someone write a song about that one?
Good Luck Helen

Shannon said...

I was actually in tears laughing at this! It is twice as funny having been in the position of wearing more meds then actually got in. Don't mean to laugh at your struggle but if your not laughing now you will be next week : ) Thanks for the smiles! (as always)

Self employed mum said...

Hi Sparx, the bath bit was soooo funny, I'm sitting here alone, at work, laughing out loud. I was going to suggest a medicine syringe but see you've already tried that one, I think you have tried everything else. Your illness certainly hasn't affected your sense of humour.

So sorry that you are all unwell, I think everybody in the world is suffering colds/flu's, coughs and sickness. Get well soon so that you can enjoy christmas.

x

Sparx said...

Hi Helen! We're now clapping and praising every time he takes it and lo and behold, he's drinking it down... bribery does work after all! Great to see you, I owe you a visit.

Sparx said...

Hi Shannon! It's true, I'm laughing at it now... at the time it seemed to be life and death! Nice to know I'm not alone, thanks for the comment, great to see you!

Sparx said...

Self-Employed Mum - thanks for that, I hope you have a great one too! Spuddy is definitely on the mend, just have to sort me out now and we'll be ok. Then I'm sure the frog will fall ill but one thing at a time...! Great to see you, thanks for dropping in.

DJ Kirkby said...

My gawd woman, you are hysterically funny even while ill! How do you do it? I ownder if you have outgrown your pennicillin allergy, occasionaly children do but I can't belive you tried some! You nutter! What if you'd reacted badly? Tell me the Frog was their while you were experimenting with your life?

Sparx said...

DJ - I have no idea if I'm still allergic but I developed it late in life - at 19 so not sure. I totally forgot about it when I did my sampling and the second after it hit my tongue I thought... 'oops' and ran to rinse out my mouth! It was just a dab. Happy Christmas!

Ivanna said...

I long suspected Vodka kills penicillin. Thanks for the empirical proof! :) :)
Sorry you've all been sick again, and sorry I've not been visiting much lately.

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