Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Mother's little helper

There is much to be said for Calpol and other baby painkillers, provided one is talking solely about the happiness of ones baby and not the condition of one’s house. The Spud has been teething again and after the last terrible episode I’m determined not to let him suffer. So, on the advice of the doctor who has said there are no side effects from baby pain medications and to feel free give them within reason whenever needed, at the first sign of discomfort we are dosing him up. The result is that we have a very happy baby on our hands at the moment. A happy baby means an active baby and an active baby means an Interesting Life.

Perhaps a short tour of our apartment might enlighten you. As one comes in through the front door, one finds oneself in a small, square entrance hall with a dark wood cabinet featuring two drawers and two doors, the contents of which are scattered all over the rug. The doors lol open apologetically while the drawers lie upside down on the floor, waving their little handles about like panicky beetles.

Straight ahead is the living room. On first glance it looks vaguely tidy however a closer glance reveals a litter of CDs and DVDs clustered together in a dark corner. There is a lot of electrical kit in this room but oddly, no remote controls, and the telephone cradle is empty and dusty, as if no phone has lived there for a Long Time.

The living-room adjoins the kitchen which also looks vaguely tidy. The cat’s bowls are empty but the food is handily beside them on the floor. The washing machine door is swinging drunkenly and the machine is empty except for a telephone. The bin is open. It is full of remote controls.

Back into the hall and straight on to the nursery. It is impossible to open the door as there is a pile of books behind it accompanied by the sound of a rampaging animal grunting and turning a lot of electronic toys on and off over and over again. This is an appropriate moment to swear.

Back into the hall and turn right into the main bedroom. As you walk in there is an open bookshelf with books on both sides, but curiously only from the third shelf up. The bottom two shelves are empty. Walk around to the other side of this shelf and one can see many piles of books on the floor, almost as if someone has pushed them right through the bookshelf. Who would do a thing like that, one asks?

The bed has clearly never been made as the cover is hanging off one side onto the floor. The clock radio is on but tuned to a station which strangely only broadcasts white noise. There is a large wardrobe with drawers in it. All the drawers are open and one suddenly realises that the room is not carpeted but that one is in fact walking on stray knickers and socks. At the back of the room is the door into the bathroom and next to that a changing table with a big shelf. On the shelf are a few stray items of nappy changing gear, the rest of which is carefully stowed in a pile underneath.

As one walks through the flat one treads constantly on little rubber things which on close inspection are corner-shaped. All the sharp corners in the flat are exposed except for a thin veneer of glue, almost as if something has been ripped off them. Something rubber, perhaps.

One is now at the end of one’s tether and so one grits ones teeth, strides back into the hallway and forces open the nursery door. Inside, amidst the drift of toys, clothes, bedding and ripped up paper is a small, squealing potato intent on some object currently under de-construction. Just as one is considering one’s options, it looks up, beams, opens it’s arms to be picked up and then lands a big, wet kiss on ones face. Suddenly, the mess doesn’t matter much at all.

Bring on the Calpol. Make mine a double.

12 comments:

sufferingsummer said...

this sounds very very familiar...the mess has become a constant now even when the teething backs off although right now we're onto molars...a whole new ball game and yet another reason our place sounds eerily like yours. I think I'll take a double too:)

Ivanna said...

LOL. I think you forgot one detail: the greatness of the mess is all the more impressive as your tour is probably given at some ungodly hours such as 6:18am?? :) :) :)

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

"...a small squealing potato..."

Oh Sparx you just keep getting better and better.
Honestly that line made me smile the biggest smile of my day so far. Ohh now I'm laughing at my desk just re-thinking it. Thank God the co-worker within ear shot is crazier than me and doesn't care.

PJ Lore said...

This is laugh-outloud-good!

I have similar messes but my cell phone usually disappears in the rubble, too.

Have a good day!

Lisa said...

Love, love, love this entry. As the mother of an almost 10 month old (next week) I can soooo relate to this! My blog is not public at this time, (still deciding if I want it to be. My entries are not as well-written and as funny as yours) but on it you would find stories very similar to this.

jenny said...

Lock the doors, shut the curtains, peek out the blinds warily! How in the hell did you get in and describe my house so perfectly???? You missed a couple of rooms, thank goodness, but darn it, I meant to pick up my knickers!

This post made me laugh and I am laughing WITH you not AT you. And if you need me to cry with you, I can do that, too!

Rachele said...

We made a similar decision to help Kai through his teething pain. Even his naturopathic doctor (an alternative medical doctor who emphasizes holistic approaches) recommended both baby tylenol (same active ingredient as Calpol) and baby Motrin (over the counter pain killer and anti-inflammatory). She said that teething pain is pain without purpose, that only makes babies miserable for no good reason- and can take valuable time away from their development. Those early days of pain seemed so cruel to us- Kai just couldn't understand why he was being tortured so, and I was worried the throes of suffering were casting a shadow over his typically sweet mellow vibe. The first time we gave Kai baby motrin- our cheerful little man was back in our midst. He can go for a few days at a time without it, but other days we give it as directed to free him up for demonstrations of entropy :) among other things... It's wonderful to hear of Charlie's exploits! I was thinking, "At least he put the remote controls in the washer- quite tidy considering he could have left them strewn about the floor!!!"

Amandeep said...

Lol!!! Awwww... this is soooo cute!! Had me grinning from ear to ear... Give the Spud a big kiss and a big giant hug for me!! :-)
And Thanks for dropping by my blog!!
Ohh btw, A very Happy Birthday to Charlie a day in advance!! And all the very best to you for the big day!!

Frog in the Field said...

Just lovely, so well written and so perfectly have you described every mothers' house. We all live like this and when we have visitors stuff all the mess into the room they are least likely to go in, and pretend we live in clean ordered homes.
I think this blog is brilliant, it'll have me smiling all day.
Wait until you have three of them doing it to you, it's scary, believe me, but the cuddles and kisses and 'I love you mummy's are unmissable

Self employed mum said...

I typed a comment yesterday - where did it go - am I losing it, possibly. So I'll try again, you cracked me up, so funny, you can tidy up when the spud is 3, all households are like this, anything different and the mother either hads post natal depression or a cleaner.
I recommend Medised (calpol alterntive but makes them drousy) I had to find an alternative when during molar cutting at midnight I gave number 1 son a dose of calpol and within 15 minutes his eyes were burling and he ran around the living room for 4 hours, I cried for 3. Also Ashton & Parsons, herbal teething remedy is fab, settles wee upset tummy too. It states dab on dummy or finger or whatever, bugger that, open (it's like an askit powder) Spud will open his mouth as he gets used to it and will love it, pour in. Saw me through teething.

Jennie said...

Three words for you:
Hyland's. Teething. Tablets.
Buy a whole box.

Dante got his first teeth while we were on our six week, around the world trip. In California to be exact. We didn't get the tablets until we were in Hong Kong. So we used beer. Or Kahlua.

He's got his teeth now, but he's moved on to grappa.

Sparx said...

Suffering! Thanks for coming by - doubles are on the house!

Ivanna - good to see you! No, it's just the time difference, it was 9:18pm over here... I was collapsing!

Lindy - blush!! Thanks hon!

PJ - yes, I keep having to ring mine to find it! Thanks for coming by!

Lisa - I'll drop in shortly for a visit, thanks for dropping in... glad you feel at home!

Jenny - yes, I was channeling your house when I typed this! Good to see you!

Rachele - glad I'm not alone on this one - sometimes you just have to do something to help them. Good to see you.

Amandeep - thanks so much! And thanks for the birthday wishes too!

Frog in the Field - lord, so much to look forward to! Thanks for coming over.

SEM - Thanks for the advice, I'll try it. Good to see you.

Jennie - you crack me up! Grappa! Hmm... thinks... might have to try it... Thanks!