Thursday, December 31, 2009

Man about the house

It's pretty much a given that when one moves into a house with a man, one will have a certain number of incidents involving toilet seats left up. You know, ladies, the sort of incident that involves a midnight wee and a sudden cold plunge nearly all the way into the facilities as one swears and screams and inwardly seethes...

Anyway, so after a few years of married life one gets one's habits sorted out so that a midnight wee involves an automatic 'seat up/seat down' check and, in general, incidents become fewer and further between.

The problem when one births male progeny however is that small male children, it turns out, aren't that keen on lifting the seat due to the likelihood of it crashing back down on tiny knackers. So, they hopefully loft their little appendages over the top and let fly, leaving what can only be described as a trail behind them as the force of the stream becomes a trickle.

Now, the unsuspecting female can be lured into feelings of safety upon finding the seat down in the loo; BE WARNED however ladies, NOWHERE IS SAFE.

The best thing, I have worked out, would be to have a ladies-only loo as at the moment, having a wee is fraught with all sorts of opportunities for unexpected midnight washes.

Happy New Year! I hope your loo seats are all down and dry (and as warm) as toast.

24 comments:

Mamma Po said...

Thank you for the advance warning. My little chap is only 2.5 but we already have unfortunate potty incidents where he enthusiastically pulls down his trousers, makes himself comfortable and, believing all is well, proceeds to empty his overflowing bladder. Only to discover that he hadn't tucked his, um, appendage (as you put it) in. Cue, bladder overflowing onto kitchen floor and yet more mop action. Girls bits are so much neater!

part mummy part me said...

As a mum of a girl, the only nighttime weeing mishap I've experienced is Ella nearly falling into the loo because hubby had left the seat up. Poor thing!

rosiescribble said...

That's funny! Happy New Year. I am suddenly relieved to have no husband and one daughter, which I seem to remember commenting in another of your blog posts!!!

Sparx said...

Mamma Po! Yes, we had the same issues on the potty... we started getting him to wee standing up into the toilet for that very reason...

Part Mummy - ahhhh... poor girl, her first 'seat-up' mishap... and so young too!!!!

Rosie - I envy you your daughter! I love my son more than anything but it must be great to have a sister for him too...

DJ Kirkby said...

Ahhhhh my boys are all 'trained' to lift the seat when using it and to leave the seat down when finished. Shame I can't get them to do their business elsewhere (than our house) when it involves them actually needing to sit down when using the toilet though...

darth sardonic said...

so true sparx, and while i try to train my boys to both lift the seat when peeing, and then returning it to its original "down" position, more often than not i see them just peeing over the top of the seat. i'm not even sure a women's-only loo would necessarily be safe.

Jen said...

Thanks for the warning! Dylan is still using the little potty at home, so I haven't had this particular mommy experience yet.

How did his show go at school?

Anonymous said...

Интересно написано....но многое остается непонятнымb

Mum said...

Sparx. your Grandmother was a lovely lady, but sometimes she could be a good English Ironclad. She married, gave birth to three sons and having lived with one for 46 years and visited with the others, not one of them would dare leave the seat up.
Keep up the good work, love Mum

Sparx said...

DJ - er... good work on the seat but why would they need to leave the house for a #2? My mind is vaguely boggling...

Darth - sadly you might be right... but good for you for training the boys!

Jen - at least you're starting out... and there was no show, can you believe it? All that learning of songs and they didn't do a show, just a party. All the parents felt very let down!!!

Anonymous - yes, you keep saying that in different languages but I'm not sure I understand you...

Mum - yes, you're right... how did she DO that?x

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

It wasn't until Cooper potty trained that I figured out why people put little mats and rugs around their toilets . . . our 'drip-age' is less on the seat and more on the floor. I won't tell you how many times I had to change my socks before I gave in and bought a little rug. Happy New Year to you and your family!

Mum said...

How did she do that. Well, you were grandchildren. Your father's mother brooked NO disobedience. And we still loved her.
Mum

Sparx said...

Nicole! Euww!!! But yes, I am with you, sadly... perhaps a mat wouldn't be such a bad idea aftera ll...

Mum - yes, in fact you're right. Wish my mother-in-law had been as diligent!

the b in subtle said...

thanks for the warning - i'm sure i will experience this at some point from my 'wee' l'il laddie! ;) happy new year!

Sparx said...

The B - Happy New Year to you! You've a while before wee Lochie is wetting your toilet seat I think - enjoy the time!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Oh no. I'm not looking forward to this point in my household at all! I am, however, looking forward to him peeing and pooping on his own. That would be awesome!

Lady Mama said...

This is worrying for me. There are three boys in my house, two are not yet toilet trained. I think the ladies-only loo might be a good idea!

Sparx said...

Anonymous - thanks! I actually think my older blogs are better so I'm going to take this compliment with thanks!

Lisa - you know what, it is awesome. I'm about to sell all the spud's nappies and I can't quite believe we are done with them forever. He even gets up to pee in the night now, he is indeed awesome.

Lady Mama - oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. Mind you, as Mum says, my Gran had three boys and neither my Dad or my Uncles would dream for a second of leaving the seat up... I'm sure you can do it! (Mind you, my Gran was quite fearsome when she wanted to be - all 4 foot 11 inches of her...)

ThatGirl39 said...

Ah the infamous toilet seat rant! Don't even get me started on the cleaning involved! I have only the one boy in the house but somehow SC manages to make as much mess! Yuk! Theres a tag for you at mine and it doesnt involve toilet seats or the cleaning of such, I promise!

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

2 potty trained boys here, both are keen on the standing up pee, neither can get the concept of putting up the loo seat first (despite my best and on going efforts). I ALWAYS check the seat first.

Ps - also having the same issue as Mamma Po on the potty, willy upwards, wee everywhere front. Ah well. Girls may be neater but boys are a lot easier to deal with when they have an unexpected need in the middle of a walk...

Happy New Year~!

Muddling Along Mummy said...

This is why I am so glad that I have girls not boys ...

I had a real sense of humour failure with Mr after Babygirl was born and he left the seat up and I failed to make it in time ... oh the joys of married life !

Maternal Tales said...

Hee hee, I have husband very well-trained and I have two daughters, so I have absolutely nothing to worry about, says she who sat on the loo in the middle of the night a while ago, spent a penny, only to realise too late that she had forgotten to lift the loo seat up. Now that is stupid! Happy New Year to you too my lovely x

Sparx said...

ThatGirl - I'm still dithering over the choice of photo - will try to get something up tomorrow!

Brit - Happy New Year! Ah yes, we've had emergency wees in all sorts of places... I guess it's 50/50 on boys/girls and wee advantages!

Muddling Along - yes, the Frog thinks that putting the seat down is actually my responsibility... it's wretched!

Maternal Tales - Bwah ha ha!!!!! I once went to bed with a g-string on (drink had been taken) and got up in the night to pee, lifted me nightie and completely forgot I was still wearing under-garments...