In the manner of the Evening Standard I just want to pause this blog for a few moments and say 'I'm sorry'. I'm sorry for not visiting all my favourite blogs in the last month (a list so long it takes about a month to get through). I'm sorry for not posting more regularly and for losing my funny. I'm sorry for not commenting on your blog or posting on your forum or not posting on my own blog.
Now I think I'm supposed to say that I promise I am going to change. I promise I'll try, anyway. Thing is, I've been away a lot. A lot a lot. Last week it had been 24 days away out of 36, this week it's up to 26 out of 45. It's rubbish. I always wanted to travel for business but I've changed my mind. Where have I been? France, Turkey, Canada, Abu Dhabi, Qatar and now I'm stuck in Bahrain's airport at 1am waiting for a flight in which I hopefully have a whole row to myself, unless I pissed off the desk clerk and she's shoved the rest of the flight into those seats.
I've been away so much that Charlie no longer misses me, although I do get a mighty hug. I've been away so much that my garden is growing without me and my peas are dying because I keep forgetting to ask the Frog to water them.
I've been away so long that all of the spud's books are new to me again and I can in fact happily read three goes of 'The Little Engine That Could' without my mouth drying out from all the repetition of the sentence 'and the good little boys and girls on the other side of the mountain will have no toys to play with or good food to eat unless you help us'; a sentence which trips off the tongue rather like a sack of potatoes off the top step of a ladder and is repeated enough times in the book to make one wither up completely. I take this moment to say 'I'm sorry' now to my Mother whom my brother and I reputedly made read this story to us 5,000 times. I'm sorry Mum, I had no idea.
I've been away so much that I was out of conditioner for a month without noticing because it had been that long since I washed my hair at home. I've been away so much that I forgot where I put my favourite shoes and even that I had bought new ones.
OK, they're calling my flight - that's my tune folks, I'm sorry, but I'm off.