Sunday, February 10, 2008

tell it to the fridge

I’m in a state of pause on blogs. I have an award to acknowledge (thank you Rob Clack!) and two Memes to do and I thought I’d do them all at once… only they all involve so many hyperlinks and tags that I just can’t get the energy or the time together. It involves concentration and thinking about things and I don’t have any brain cells going spare just now.

Things are fine round our way except for the fact that I can no longer guess what it is that my son is on about most of the time. This is the thing. You have a baby, you get used to baby needs, you know, boob, nappy, boob and as they start wanting more advanced options they just ask for them with variations on the whinge. After a while a parent can get quite smug about their ability to decipher whinge and by identifying a simple change in pitch can accurately say whether their offspring is in charge of a dirty nappy, a thirst or an empty belly.

All these open lines of communication slam shut perversely just as snookums begins his long walk down the path to speech. It’s not the spud’s strangled frenchified vowels or his erratic consonants that are causing trouble though, as when it comes to the usual sets of needs we understand each other just fine. It’s interpreting all these advanced weirdo desires that are giving me these headaches.

I, just for argument, am going to play the part of my son here for a second and you, you are going to be me. Put down the martini. OK, now first I’m going to walk into the room. I’m going to point at the ceiling and you have to understand that I want you to test the smoke alarm. If you don’t, I am going to sit down, turn red and cry and if you don’t pick me up RIGHT NOW and PRESS the button goddamn you, I am going to lie down and start hitting my head on the floor. OK, great, thanks for the big, ear-splitting battery-wasting beep. Now, I am going to climb on top of the stereo to reach the buttons hidden behind the TV screen that ONLY I know what they do and I’m going to press one so that you CAN NEVER watch TV again and if you try to stop me –here I go again! Next, I’m going to walk up to you and burst into tears and point around the room in a circle. Who knows what I want. Maybe I want to put my hand into the cutlery drawer. Maybe I want to open the fridge and take out the cheese. Maybe I want to start the coffee machine. Hey, I did it yesterday so I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WOMAN just let me get on with it or we’re through.

How’d you get on? I thought so. What? Oh go on. It is, after all, a very good martini.

9 comments:

Jen said...

Okay, first off, you are way too stressed about these memes, so I hereby release you from doing mine. Breathe in, breathe out. Secondly, I was really laughing reading this because Dylan is the same exact way. He just whined and pointed at the refrigerator, so my husband opened it. Then he grabbed the entire 6 pack of yogurt and brought it to me, like "This, I'll take this, please".

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh dear...*snicker* No sorry, really..no I didn't laugh! I ahve an award for you over and mine and just in time me thinks...You don't have to do anything with it except look at it, think 'awwwww sweet' and then stick it up on your side bar to collect dust!

DJ Kirkby said...

*note to self* check for typos before publishing comments!

Sparx said...

Jen - thanks hon! I may still do it but, you know... all those LINKS!! I was thinking about saying 'er, try something from last June'...!

What is it with the fridge? It's like this magic Land Of Food Fun...

DJ - Oh, thanks hon! I'm about to put one up for you and Jen and EIGHT OTHERS when I have time for all those linkypoos! I'll be over this evening for a catch up and some blog lurve...

Jonny's Mommy said...

Wow, I could have written this post -- though not as eloquently... My kid did this yesterday morning before mommy was even fully awake and somehow she was supposed to figure out what he was pointing at.
I left a message on my blog about comments...they don't pop up right away because I have them on moderation -- I got a couple weird ones one time and just want to make sure the right "weird people" are posting -- like my fellow mommy bloggers or my weird family.
Thanks for catching up and I agree with Jen..don't worry so much about the memes. They are just for fun anyhow.

She's like the wind said...

Frustrating for you, hilarious for us - sorry. Only funny cause I've been there and done that. But you know what then they talk, which is great, you can converse, together, with each other, making sense and they talk some more and more and more and aaarrrrrgggghhhhhh SHUT UP. Of course I never feel like that !!!!!

jenny said...

Good grief!! That's exactly how I felt when my hearing aid broke and I couldn't understand a thing Middle was trying to tell me!! I would even look to hubby for help and no help there. Thank the gods that Youngest is much more eloquent with communicating what she wants and no more frustrated guesses on my part. But wait! Number 4 is coming... who knows what that will bring!

Can't have a martini with you, but I'll share a shirley temple...

Shannon said...

As always exactly what I needed! A really good laugh. After the day I've had my hubby actually came in panicked because he thought I was crying! He was much relieved that it was just me laughing out loud at your blog AGAIN :) By the way, welcome home. Glad to see that your little man missed you as much as you missed him!

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