Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Riviera? Pah

Here I am, slinging up my kitten heels and trying out for the cyber-geek awards by posting from my phone while driving across France. I know I know, the scenery, the experience, the sheer unadulterated glamour of driving to the South of France in a Yaris stuffed to the brim with nappies and sick rags - what am I thinking? Well, I'm thinking that it's grey and rainy and French radio is rubbish and, frankly, the view from the motorway is such that we could be nipping up to Birminham on the M1. Or whatever.

The spud, blessedly, is sleeping in his back-seat throne and the frog and I have already had one squabble adult discussion about the use of the satnav and so all is silent but for the sound of tyres straining to push this thing 150km/hr at a respectable pace. Time, therefore to bury myelf in technology. If only it was a therapeutic mud-bath...

My phone, I note, is covered in something suspiciously resembling pureed pear. I left it within Spud-reach the other day and he rang his Dad so many times that the frog thought we were stalking him. Forget selling this handset on eBay, it's covered in teeth marks, cracks and suspicious smears. I've been known, in fact, to give him my phone while trying to shove his dinner into his mouth. On one occasion this rendered the thing inoperable for two days until the drool dried. This drives the frog bonkers. He's spent years training me up to this wonderfully tricksy piece of kit and I then chuck it about and feed it to the baby. He, the frog that is, gave me a rather objectionably prophylactic silicone case for the phone that made it look like a grey sex-toy and every time it rang and vibrated at the same time I felt terribly pornographic holding it to my mouth. Anyway, hence the state of the thing - I chucked out the porno-case and haven't bought another.

No room in this thing for more text and so with a riveting post about posting, I leave you to imagine me tomorrow, my bulging midriff in a swimsuit lying in the rain praying for the god of martini to bless me bounteously.

12 comments:

Lindystar said...

May he bless you over and over.

You threw out the phone cover, AHAHAHAHAHAHAH my husband would shit, that's hilarious.

Sue said...

I've recently given up drinking due to a Certain Unfortunate Incident that we will gloss over and am therefore forwarding you all the martini karma due to me this month. Trust me, that's a lot.

Of course, you'll have to hope I don't tumble off the wagon and snatch that karma back! :)

Have fun.

lady macleod said...

Feeding the mobile to the baby? Will that prevent brain cancer to you then? Oh dear, oh dear the ride sounds rather like one I remember with Ghengis in a bad mood when the rape and pillage tour was going badly.
Better luck on the beach. Think the Thomas Crown Affair...

Elsie Button said...

you and the spud stalking the frog lol. he must have wondered what the hell was going on!

surely it's not raining in france too?

it's amazing that you can post from a phone. does it not take hours to type it all in? i am so out of touch...

BOSSY said...

Bossy would be green if she tried to post while in a car. Also there's the little matter of her driving...

(have fun)

Hoto said...

F**K!...don't you people ever WORK? Christ on a Bicycle. A fine example that you're setting for Charlie. I trust he won't leave home expecting to gallivant off to the continent at a moment's notice, shirking his responsibilities etc.

And, hey, sis: Kudos to you for embracing technology. You are definitely light years ahead of the majority of Women of Your Vastly Advanced Age. But your husband is absolutely and completely 100% correct: Gadgets and Technology first. Children and other helpless, wordless, leaky, smelly, incontinent mammals second.

Queeny said...

Pass me one of those martinis and you can have my phone cover. Who needs 'em?

Jen said...

Keeping me laughing, as usual!

Shek said...

my friend's wife has that silicone porno case for her motorola, though she does not refer to it like that. Its pink too!

I will remember to bring up this description today over dinner.

I do read all your posts but am rude enough to not comment on all :)

Orhan Kahn said...

And no photographs :(

Sparx said...

no photographs because blogger won't show me the 'add picture' icon on this thing. hitting town & internet connection soon &might add a pic...

Sparx said...

PS, thanks for the good wishes everyone - and the martini blessings. Just a quick note to Lady M... er, I hadn't thought of that. I won't feed it to him anymore!