Friday, March 25, 2011

screaming heebie jeebies

Charlie has developed a new weapon in his 4-year-old arsenal.  While it's not as funny, or frankly inventive, as blowing fart noises out of his bottom with the aid of a plastic hose (see last post) it does however have its own humour value.

I picked him up from a late playdate, having given him a 15-minute warning that turned into 30 while I had a good old gas with his friend's Mum.  This however Was Not Good Enough and on the announcement that it was past bedtime and therefore time to depart, he tried pretty much every trick.  He hid.  He clung to the bannisters.  He wailed and screamed and lay on the floor.  He went limp when I tried to get his coat on and when it was clear he had to go, he stumbled out of the front door in a sort of 'C' shape with his head practically tucked under his arm in despair. 

The moment the door closed, the litany started, like listening to the chanting of a Catholic priest, only sung at top volume whilst walking through darkly silent residential streets.  It went something like this... "I-DONT-EVER-WANT-TO-GO-ANYWHERE-AGAIN-BECAUSE-YOU'LL-ONLY-TAKE-ME-HOME-AND-I-JUST-WANT-TO-STAY-IN-OUR-LITTLE-HOUSE-I-LOVE-OUR-LITTLE-HOUSE-I-JUST-WANT-TO-STAY-HOME-AND-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-SEE-MY-FRIENDS-BECAUSE-YOU'LL-JUST-MAKE-ME-LEAVE-AND-I-WANT-100-SLEEPOVERS-AT-NOLAS-HOUSE-AND-YOU-CAN'T-TAKE-ME-HOME-EVER-AGAIN-AND-I-DON'T-WANT-CUDDLES-AND-I-WON'T-EAT-DINNER-AND-YOU-MUST-NEVER-EVER-NEVER-NEVER-EVER-EVER-SPEAK-TO-ME-AGAIN"...

It went on nearly all the way home while I walked beside him biting my lip... eventually I interupted him to ask if he'd like to have one or two stories for bedtime and he went from 60 to zero in one second flat, answering me in a perfectly sane voice "I want three stories Mummy.  And do you know?  Max has a new car!" 

He then chatted aimiably at me for the duration of the walk home.

It's like living with a mad person.

I'm not sure I'll ever keep up

6 comments:

Rose said...

oh I am so with you there. Now do that biting lip thing, while attempting to ski backwards downhill (and this is you we're talking about, and I am the same if I read an earlier post right) in front of a 6-year-old pair of lungs doing the very same thing except some of the words are "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME I HATE YOU MUM YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT ME I'M NEVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN I HATE SKIING...try to ignore all the people passing above on the ski lift...all the way down the run. On the way back up the lift, in a normal voice, something like "that was fun, I'm great at this, I want to ski all day!" I wanted to scream at her "Are you BIPOLAR?!"

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

You owe me a screen cleaning. I just spat wine at my screen!! Wait for 14! It'll be just like that with a sprinkling of expletives to spice things up!

Elsie Button said...

oooohhh i love love love 4 year olds. i bloody love them. i deliberately wind betty up for the entertainment value (tom disapproves)

we get the never never never ever never ever too. charlie and lola me thinks....

Sparx said...

Rose - hahaha!! Yes, that's pretty much what happened to us skiing as well... he hated every second until it was over, at which point he informed us it was all brilliant...

Helen - no, don't! Don't tell me that!!

Elsie - Now that's an idea... but every time I wind charlie up on purpose it ends up going too far... he assumes I'm joking so I push it and push it and in the end he goes all wobbly-bottom-lippy and I cave in and confess to the joke... They are good value for momey though, really, aren't they?

Raz said...

Can you lend me him for a bit so I can have the comedy value without actually having to be a good parent?

Sparx said...

Raz - with pleasure!!!