Sunday, June 06, 2010

chocolate starfish

We're having swearing. I mean, proper swearing, the sort of swearing that he's heard on the bus, on the street and um in his house. Sometimes. I have been retraining myself in the art of swearing over the past six months and while 'Bumpers' is not really entering the vocabulary, 'botheration' works quite well. My default go-to swear though is 'crappity' which fills two swear-requirements in that it contains an actual swear word and is unrecognisable as such when fired off at top speed in front of a three-year-old with ear-drums the size of the sea of tranquillity.

Or so I thought.

Sadly it has entered life too late to prevent the 'f' word which is making frequent, shocking appearances in my son's speech. While I admit blame I cannot admit total responsibility having heard the word in his presence countless times in the past few days... outside his window, on the bus, while walking through the park and while standing in the queue to buy chocolate at the local shop. It's ubiquitous, everywhere and all I can do is disapprove and suggest he say something else... like 'poo' for example, which is both valid and funny.

The spud being no fool however has declined to make up a swear-word and would rather use one of mine. He demonstrated this ably today after dropping his fork at dinner. 'CRAB' he said, loudly and disdainfully. 'What?' I asked. 'Crab!!' he said, gleefully. 'Ah, CRAB! said I. 'What about starfish?' 'STARFISH' he said with relish. 'Chocolate Starfish' I said, and we both laughed.

I suspect I laughed a little bit longer.

Sad, isn't it?

Still, I think we're going in the right direction.

11 comments:

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

LOL "Chocolate Starfish and Hot dog flavored water" - the name of a Limp Bizkit album. LOL he came up with a TRUE fake word for a-hole and didn't even know it!! That's too awesome, I would have peed my pants! :D

Sparx said...

Gringa - sadly I prompted him... because I am THAT kind of Mother...

Carol said...

Now that made me laugh out loud!!

C x

(Was lovely meeting you at Caroline's launch the other week)

aliasse said...

Me (passing traffic warden issuing ticket): Bastard.
Matthew: (perched on buggy board) Bastard.

Sparx said...

Carol - thanks - and you too! I still haven't gone marauding in DJs contacts to find everyone, thanks for tracking me down...

Aliasse - Charlie (dropping a toy): "Fuck". Me: "Only babies say that, it makes you sound like a little baby". Charlie: "That's what YOU say, Mummy".

向花 said...

your son/daughter is so cute............................................................

Sphinx said...

My granddaughter (then aged 3), after mum had driven round the car park a couple of times piped up with 'shit, mummy, no parking.' - and mummy was only thinking it!
I like 'CRAB', I will start using it now. Thanks, Charlie.

FortyNotOut said...

Ah the old chocolate starfish joke.. hours of fun! I know what you mean.. I need to watch my language more. So far we've only had an "Oh Bloody!" just on its own - she then proceeded to spell it out! Great use for an education I guess....

Sue said...

A friend's daughter says "Pickles!" and I love it. It helps me vent pent up feelings wonderfully. Nothing like a loud 'Fuck!' though.

Helen + ilana = Hi said...

Rats in baggy. or Botheration.
Those were my favourites right after the first time Hair One used Shit! contextually perfectly from his high chair.

Sparx said...

Sphinx - 'shit'... well it's better than 'fuck' I think...

Forty Not Out - she spelled it!!! Ha ha!!

Sue - Pickles! I love it. I replied to all these comments the other day but it didn't save, I've tried using 'pickles', he's not picked it up yet though.

Helen - I remember you actually using 'rats in a baggie' at one point. It's great, but too long to get out when one stubs a toe...