Wednesday, August 19, 2009

poop poop - all aboard!!

Hello everyone and thank you all for your submissions to this, my first (and potentially only) go at hosting a carnival. It's been a big job and at points I've really had to strain to get this one out but I've finally produced the goods. Ba dum dum.

er... ok. So, If you've not potty trained a child in your life then these stories will make you either smug or terrified - so read at your own risk. I'd like to thank everyone who submitted stories for this, I think I've included you all - if I've left you out, let me know and I'll edit you in; these are just all too good to leave out.

I would like to start this carnival off with a guest post from Jennie over at Copenhagen Follies. She has posted perhaps the shortest poo story ever, here and has sent me the following tput outo get us all in the mood:

Jennie says: Last year, when we took the kids to France by train, Dante was 2 and Halfdan was 6 mos at the time. We were quite careful not to run out of diapers, buying them along the way. We started out buying two different sizes to accomodate them both, and after the first week we made it easier by just buying one size – Halfdan was quite chubby, and Dante was getting a little slender in comparison, so it made life less complicated.

Somehow though, on the last leg home from Paris to Hamburg, we ran low. At Hamburg Station we barely had time to look for a kiosk to buy new ones before we had to catch our train/ferry connection to Copenhagen. We hoped for the best, and forged ahead. On the train somewhere in northern Germany, Halfdan did a do, so to speak. We rummaged through the diaper bag – no dice. My purse – no dice. Even in the big bag with all our clothing, etc., we couldn’t find one measly little diaper to change our baby with. Mikael and I looked at each other, searching for some magic formula, but there was only one solution left. I gave Mikael specific orders on what to do. The poor man took our sweetpea into the miniscule bathroom without a changing table, managed to scrape off as much poo as he could, deposit it, cover the damaged diaper with a bit of toilet paper, and hoped for the best. We made it to Copenhagen without further incident, but have been very stringent on the diaper front since then.

OK Jen, thanks for that - has anyone else ever had to re-use a pooey nappy? OK, just me then.

And now for the carnival. I have to tell you in advance that you need to have finished your dinner to prepare for what's coming. Some of these will make you cringe while others are likely to make you lose your tea through your nose laughing. I've tried to label them all 'eugh' or 'ha ha' just to warn you in advance but they are, I have to say, all pretty damn funny.

I am starting this off with an 'article' from the doyen of the subject: Potty Mummy from The Potty Diaries who has created this guide post for all of us out there: A different kind of Carnival. Potty Mummy is definitely the pack leader here and she handily provides links to other poo stories so that you will be able to surf poo for days to come... just what you always wanted! Yay!

Next up is Emily over at Maternal Tales from the South Coast who is the queen of poo stories,. If she hadn't have sent me this post I would have linked to it anyway as it is one of the funniest poo stories I've read and I think you should all start there to get you in the mood. The nappy bucket overfloweth when it comes to Emily however and she has sent three, count 'em, three 'ha ha' poo stories and you can find the others here and finally over here.

Ha ha!! I fooled you with the last one - definitely an 'eugh' story.

Tara over at Sticky Fingers has sent two stories, both in the 'ha ha' camp
this one, the moment every parent dreads in a restaurant and then this one, short and a bit fruity!! And as we know, most fruit is guaranteed to get the best, or perhaps the worst, out of our offspring...

Emily over at Brit in Bosnia has achieved the master-stroke, both 'eugh' and 'haha' in one story... it starts out a nice little potty-training story and then has a kicker in the final line here. She's also sent me this little gem which is actually nothing really to do with poo but I tell you, between the post and the comments I felt a LOT better about the little accident the spud had on the rug this morning...

Lisa at Boondock Ramblings has been dithering about potty training for ages now, claiming that her little one 'just isn't ready'... here is the proof - poo in a church, not sure if this is waaaay more embarrassing than the next entry or not to be honest but the phrase 'Daddy, wipe me!' has got to be one of the most memorable of all.

Dee over at Mummadiddee who is, for the purposes of this post actually Iota Manhattan from Not Wrong Just Different has posted this story about a supermarket poo. Ah yes, the dreaded cry of 'Mummy I done a poo' as fellow shoppers recoil in disgust. We recently had a very similar moment in the crowded queue at customs in Stansted airport... not only did our little boy smell to high heaven but sadly there was no disguising what was peeping over the back of his trousers...

Jen from Rants and Raves gives us a potty training story - low on 'eugh' but high on the old empathy factor scale here; weeks of failure and he uses the potty at Grandma's...

This classic from Suzanna at Thames Valley Mums resonates particularly with me as I too have a home office, although so far the spud has yet to announce my toileting habits to clients...

Iota, posting this time as herself on her own blog has this great poo story here, which she created just for this carnival. The start alone is enough to make a frustrated potty-trainer feel relaxed, the end is another 'haha' moment.

Grit over at Grit's DayGrit's Day has posted us this visit to a sewage farm which is educational because if nothing else it tells us how to make our own poo in a bowl withouth all the messy straining about.

Amy over at and 1 more means four posts this 'Eugh' story about the combination of potty training one child while another is crawling... This one is about the worst I can imagine happening and makes my own experiences on the matter pale in comparison. With four kids, Amy is an expert at this lark but even experts have slippage sometimes...

Here's a good one from Steffi over at Mummy Do That whose daughter has decided to potty train herself against her mother's wishes - the upshot, however, is the usual poo on the floor

Here's one from Carol at New Mummy - this one isn't funny ha ha or even particularly 'eugh' but it illustrates exactly the sort of thing us parents have to deal with, loving our babies, poo and all. She doesn't say exactly how many nappies were filled during her child's illness but it sounds like nappy changing was a full time job. Here you go!

Liz over at Living With Kids has an 'eugh' story for us all that for a change doesn't actually involve baby poo. It does however involve both poo and a baby - and if your brain isn't going mad trying to work it out, here you go!

Finally a late entry from Laura over at Are We Nearly There Yet? - very funny and the title alone is worth the visit - so here you go, The Morning Log

Thank you everyone for a very amusing two weeks. I will spend tomorrow travelling about letting you all know that it's finally dropped and if I've missed you out, just drop me a line.

159 comments:

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I must say that this is one of the first times I feel bad about missing out on the poop. I meant to send you a link, so here is mine...all late and everything....

http://www.boondockramblings.com/boondock_ramblings/2009/03/hmmmmmaybe-well-just-find-a-new-church.html

DJ Kirkby said...

I am working my way through the stories. Got as far as the poo tasting one and had to stop. OMG...

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Required reading for anyone about to embark upon potty training... I'm sitting smugly with my 2 de-pampered bottoms finding other peoples stories hilariously funny and safe in the knowledge I should be through the worst on this front...

Thanks so much for putting this together sparx, absolutely brilliant.

As an aside, the link for my poo story goes to my blog but not to the post, so if you want to read the post without having to wade through reams of waffle, then the link should be:

http://britsinbosnia.blogspot.com/2009/07/driving-me-potty-no-longer.html

Laura - Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy? said...

Sorry, been slack and forgot ... here's mine

http://www.arewenearlythereyetmummy.com/the-morning-log/

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

This is a treasure Sparx ! I am getting my notebook and taking notes :P But I think part of the gist is that you just can't be prepared can you? Lololol this really is funny stuff, but ask me if I think it's hilarious a year from now. :)

Sparx said...

Lisa - OK, I'd edited you in before I read your comment - I'd left out several of the first people to email me because the emails had just slipped too far down, thanks!

DJ - I know, but soldier on, it's worth it!

Brit - you've got two stories linked, I just left out one of the links (duh) but it's there now... sigh...

Laura - thanks, putting it in now!

Gringa... why, are you plannin' on joining us here in Mummyville?

Jennie said...

Omg that is a lot of poo. Whoa Nelly, I'm good for a few years now. Thanks for all the work putting this shit together!

Frog in the Field said...

OHMYGOD!!
I just don't miss those days at all! Sending them off the the bathroom alone is so much more pleasant! We do still have to stop for the small one to wee in the hedge on occasion (she's as bad as her father!)

Potty Mummy said...

Doyen?

Hmmm....

Thanks anyway Sparx - fabulous reading. (But - doyen? Really?)

A Modern Mother said...

What a wonderful collection of stories about poo!

cartside said...

such a great carnival, by the way, the link to my post isn't working, here it is:
http://mummydothat.blogspot.com/2009/07/is-it-that-time-already.html
sorry I only noticed today, been without laptop charger and all that.

Hoto said...

Smug.

Maternal Tales said...

Christ I'm tardy in commenting on this. Think I went away the day you posted it. BUT, have linked to it from mine, so all is not lost. Well done you - I just LOVE the fact that you've had a poo carnival. BTW, have posted yet anotehr poo story on mine - bit late for the carnival unfortunately, but 4 stories would have been ridiculous.

Love you poo lady x

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The Linux-based software habituated to by Dreambox was originally developed in the course of DBox2, close the Tuxbox project. The Dbox2 was a proprietary originate distributed away KirchMedia for their profit TV services. The bankruptcy of KirchMedia flooded the superstore with unsold boxes available with a view Linux enthusiasts. The Dreambox shares the basic motif of the DBox2, including the Ethernet harbour and the PowerPC processor.

Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units buttress Hallucination's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) pattern, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) available as a remedy for numberless alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal spiritedly disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to set aside digital copies of DVB MPEG transport streams on networked filesystems or announce the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Unalike sundry PC based PVR systems that capitalize on free-to-air type of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also sundry 3rd party addons & plugins available that intention give the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are creme de la creme specific, while others run all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also external XMLTV guides, a web browser are nearby, and a VLC media musician interface against on demand streaming media. Games are also copious like PacMan and Tetris.

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Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units brook Illusion's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) arrangement, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) nearby repayment for numberless alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal tough disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to set aside digital copies of DVB MPEG exaltation streams on networked filesystems or broadcast the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Distinguishable from many PC based PVR systems that use free-to-air order of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also numberless 3rd proponent addons & plugins accessible that desire extend the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are creme de la creme peculiar, while others run all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also external XMLTV guides, a web browser are nearby, and a VLC media musician interface object of on demand streaming media. Games are also lavish like PacMan and Tetris.

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Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units support Dream's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) arrangement, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) nearby as a remedy for many alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal tough disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to cache digital copies of DVB MPEG ravish streams on networked filesystems or announce the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Unlike innumerable PC based PVR systems that capitalize on free-to-air group of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also sundry 3rd party addons & plugins within reach that resolution confer the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are prototype peculiar, while others make a run for it all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also foreign XMLTV guides, a web browser are nearby, and a VLC media contender interface object of on exact streaming media. Games are also copious like PacMan and Tetris.

In reckoning, secret third-party conditional access software modules (CAMs or emulators) are extensively circulated on the Internet that emulate the CA systems developed before VideoGuard, Irdeto Access, Conax, Nagravision, Viaccess and other proprietary vendors. Uncountable Dreambox owners contemn these softcams in conjunction with behave sharing software to access compensate TV services without a subscription card inserted in every connected box. This practice may be prohibited in some jurisdictions.

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The Linux-based software tolerant of on Dreambox was initially developed for DBox2, past the Tuxbox project. The Dbox2 was a proprietary design distributed before KirchMedia in the course of their profit TV services. The bankruptcy of KirchMedia flooded the superstore with unsold boxes present as a service to Linux enthusiasts. The Dreambox shares the primary motif of the DBox2, including the Ethernet mooring and the PowerPC processor.

Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units brook Day-dream's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) system, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) available repayment for varied alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal spiritedly disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to count on digital copies of DVB MPEG ravish streams on networked filesystems or sow the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Distinguishable from innumerable PC based PVR systems that take advantage of free-to-air type of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also innumerable 3rd proponent addons & plugins within reach that resolution augment the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are creme de la creme peculiar, while others run all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also external XMLTV guides, a web browser are close by, and a VLC media player interface for on cry out for streaming media. Games are also overflowing like PacMan and Tetris.

In adding up, unofficial third-party conditional access software modules (CAMs or emulators) are very much circulated on the Internet that emulate the CA systems developed not later than VideoGuard, Irdeto Access, Conax, Nagravision, Viaccess and other proprietary vendors. Numberless Dreambox owners use these softcams in conjunction with index card sharing software to access pay TV services without a subscription car-card inserted in every connected box. This practice may be prohibited in some jurisdictions.

In 2007, Mirage Multimedia also introduced a non-Linux based Dreambox receiver, the DM100, their singular to girlfriend, sustained on unspecified metal goods, but still featuring an Ethernet mooring and a USB port.[1] The hurry of the USB seaport is not specified, the producer one says it is of B classification, the at one set up on peripherals connected to PCs.

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The Dreambox is a series of Linux-powered DVB retainer, terrestrial and mooring digital tv receivers (set-top box), produced via German multimedia vendor Dream Multimedia.
The Linux-based software old at near Dreambox was originally developed for the purpose DBox2, close the Tuxbox project. The Dbox2 was a proprietary envision distributed aside KirchMedia championing their pay TV services. The bankruptcy of KirchMedia flooded the bazaar with unsold boxes nearby with a view Linux enthusiasts. The Dreambox shares the basic outline of the DBox2, including the Ethernet harbour and the PowerPC processor.

Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units authenticate Day-dream's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) system, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) nearby repayment for varied alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal hard disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to cache digital copies of DVB MPEG transport streams on networked filesystems or telecast the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Unlike scads PC based PVR systems that use free-to-air group of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also many 3rd party addons & plugins ready that resolution confer the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are creme de la creme definite, while others forsake all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also outward XMLTV guides, a trap browser are close by, and a VLC media contender interface for on exact streaming media. Games are also abundant like PacMan and Tetris.

In addition, off the record third-party conditional access software modules (CAMs or emulators) are extensively circulated on the Internet that emulate the CA systems developed before VideoGuard, Irdeto Access, Conax, Nagravision, Viaccess and other proprietary vendors. Uncountable Dreambox owners use these softcams in conjunction with index card sharing software to access compensate TV services without a subscription car-card inserted in every connected box. This practice may be illegal in some jurisdictions.

In 2007, Dream Multimedia also introduced a non-Linux based Dreambox receiver, the DM100, their singular to day, game on unspecified hardware, but yet featuring an Ethernet seaport and a USB port.[1] The go like greased lightning of the USB mooring is not specified, the fabricator only says it is of B classification, the a woman found on peripherals connected to PCs.

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Anonymous said...

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The Dreambox is a series of Linux-powered DVB satellite, human and wire digital boob tube receivers (set-top fight), produced via German multimedia vendor Dream Multimedia.
The Linux-based software tolerant of by Dreambox was from day one developed for DBox2, past the Tuxbox project. The Dbox2 was a proprietary design distributed aside KirchMedia for their pay TV services. The bankruptcy of KirchMedia flooded the superstore with unsold boxes readily obtainable with a view Linux enthusiasts. The Dreambox shares the basic design of the DBox2, including the Ethernet mooring and the PowerPC processor.

Its firmware is officially user-upgradable, since it is a Linux-based computer, as opposed to third-party "patching" of alternate receivers. All units authenticate Illusion's own DreamCrypt conditional access (CA) pattern, with software-emulated CA Modules (CAMs) accessible for many alternate CA systems. The built-in Ethernet interface allows networked computers to access the recordings on the internal spiritedly disks on some Dreambox models. It also enables the receiver to count on digital copies of DVB MPEG ravish streams on networked filesystems or announce the streams as IPTV to VideoLAN and XBMC Media Center clients. Contrasting many PC based PVR systems that take advantage of free-to-air group of DVB receiver cards, the built-in conditional access allows receiving and storing encrypted content.

There are also many 3rd proponent addons & plugins ready that will extend the functionality of the Dreambox too. Some plugins are model clear-cut, while others terminate all boxes. Plugins such as Jukebox and SHOUTcast playback, also outward XMLTV guides, a web browser are available, and a VLC media player interface against on demand streaming media. Games are also overflowing like PacMan and Tetris.

In reckoning, secret third-party conditional access software modules (CAMs or emulators) are very much circulated on the Internet that emulate the CA systems developed before VideoGuard, Irdeto Access, Conax, Nagravision, Viaccess and other proprietary vendors. Many Dreambox owners speak these softcams in conjunction with business card sharing software to access turn out to be TV services without a obligation postal card inserted in every connected box. This modus operandi may be wrongful in some jurisdictions.

In 2007, Mirage Multimedia also introduced a non-Linux based Dreambox receiver, the DM100, their solitary to girlfriend, sustained on unspecified metal goods, but still featuring an Ethernet mooring and a USB port.[1] The speed of the USB port is not specified, the producer however says it is of B classification, the one set up on peripherals connected to PCs.

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